chad and leanne and jelena come to visit

so our company left today. flew out at eight this morning. what a week.

we picked them up around midnight last friday at the airport. saturday we went out, walked along the waterfront, the girls did some shopping, and then we relaxed for most of the rest of the day. sunday afternoon we got pizza and we tried to do bubble tea, but it was closed. so much for keeping regular hours. monday i gave chad a grand tour of our building and in the evening we went to peggy's cove. tuesday and wednesday janelle and i worked. while we worked, chad and leanne went out to see the sights. on wednesday chad helped me clean up the building. wednesday night we went to dartmouth and had supper at the alderney landing, where there was a concert but we didn't stay long because it was bedtime for jelena. after we put her to bed, mom and dad swan came over and we went up on the roof of our building to watch the fireworks because it was canada day. afterwards janelle, leanne, and chad worked on some posters that janelle had agreed to make up for the sunday school. i made some beef jerkey and then i went to sleep on the floor. janelle woke me up at around two o'clock and we went to bed. we had to get up early the next morning because we were going camping.

we got our stuff all packed and left halifax at around eight thirty. we drove to shediac in new brunswick, where joanne and colin and their kids had brought a trailer and camped out for most of the week. they left the trailer for us and we arranged to stay for two nights. of course, the weather was kind of crappy. we went to the beach on the first night anyway and chad, janelle, and i went swimming while leanne and jelena watched. it was pretty cold. then it started raining and it rained the whole time we prepared supper, huddled shivering around the campfire. chad and i baked some potatoes, leanne made up some steaks, and janelle cleaned out the trailer so we could eat inside. we ate supper, played a few games, and then the rain let up enough that we made up another fire and sat around it cooking smores. the trailer was damp all that night and it felt like sleeping in a puddle. we decided not to spend another night and, after a breakfast of hot delicious pancakes and turkey bacon, we packed up the trailer and made plans to head to moncton for the day. as we packed the sun pierced the clouds enough that janelle and i both got sunburnt.

it started thunderstorming as soon as we got to moncton. dark clouds filled the sky and it rained violently. we went to chapters and to crystal palace, where jelena and leanne rode a carousel, and janelle and leanne rode a roller coaster. jelena liked the carousel so much that we had a hard time taking her off it. it stopped raining a little and we went to swiss chalet for supper. yum. after that we drove back to shediac, where we dropped off leanne and janelle at a flea market while chad and i went to the campsite with jelena to get the trailer hooked up to the car so we could leave. jelena was so upset at being ignored while we worked on the trailer and furious at chad that when we picked leanne and janelle back up at the flea market she told leanne all about how papa had neglected her. the sun broke through the clouds again, so we decided to go to the beach one more time before we left. this time we all went in and we saw some jellyfish, i think i may have even been stung by one. and even jelena went in the water a bit. after that we got all our stuff back into the car and headed back to halifax.

we got back around midnight and were happy to climb into bed and get a full night's sleep in a dry place. saturday we spent the day doing laundry and relaxing. saturday evening we had supper at mom and dad swan's house and they babysat jelena while we went out to a movie. the movie turned out to be a disappointment, so we decided to go out for bubble tea to make up for it... but the bubble tea place was closed again. we went back to mom and dad swan's for dessert and then got jelena packed up again and went back to our place. janelle and i pretty much went right to bed, but chad and leanne had lots of packing to do.

and sunday morning at five thirty we were up again and heading to the airport... the week went by altogether too fast.

of oven racks and other things

my day began, interestingly, with a hunt for oven racks. you know, before i started working here i thought that all oven racks were the same and that i should be able to take one oven rack from one apartment and it would fit in a different apartment. later, i learned that we have three standard sizes for ovens, big, medium, and small. the smalls go into the one bedroom and bachelor apartments and the big and medium ones go into the two and three bedroom apartments. so i thought that we should, corresponding with our three oven sizes, have only three different sizes of oven racks. today proved that i was wrong.

two weeks ago, we cleaned apartment 187, the oven racks were quite dirty, so we took them out and brought them downstairs to the swamp (a container of liquid oven cleaner). on our way down, we picked up the oven racks from 159, because they were equally dirty. we normally let the oven racks soak for a day or two, so we pretty much forgot about the oven racks and left them there for quite some time.

when we got word that some investors and the big shots at the company were coming to tour the building and they wanted to see a few apartments, including 187, we remembered the oven racks and went down to fetch them out of the swamp. however, when i brought them back up to the apartment, i found that they didn't fit! so i left them in the apartment and told my coworkers so they could give it a second try in case i was doing it wrong. but it turned out that the oven racks were just too small. so, did they shrink in the swamp? this was as inconceivable to me as it was to my manager, who came to the logical conclusion that the oven racks were missing and must be found. of course, we put it off for a few weeks, but when someone moved into the apartment, finding the missing oven racks suddenly became a priority.

the task was compounded when we received a call from apartment 460, complaining that their oven racks didn't fit in the oven. i went to 460 and examined their oven racks, they were very much too big for the oven they were in. so i took them and then went through all our spare oven racks, looking for ones that fit this oven. i found about five different sizes of oven racks and none of them fit in 460, so i made out a work order and passed the task along to henry, our maintenance man.

so, first thing in the morning on the last day of june, henry and i went on a hunt for oven racks. we found ones that fit into 159 easily enough--they were a standard size. and we found some that were the right size for 187, but try as we might and with much grunting and straining, we could not get them into the oven. so, we turned our attention to 460. we even got racks out of our barbecues on the patio, to see if they fit in 460's oven. we found none.

as far as i know, we still have no oven racks for 460. joy, my coworker, was able to fit the oven racks into 187. apparently, we had tried to get it in backwards or something.

okay, i know it's not a very exciting story...but the moral is that, phew! who knew such a thing as oven racks could be so complicated.

The Tale of Desperaux by Kate DiCamillo

i was pleasantly surprised by this wonderful story of a mouse who saves a princess. in fact, i would place it next to c.s. lewis' the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe as an everlasting classic children's tale.

the story revolves around four characters, desperaux tilling, the extraordinarily small mouse with enormous ears; roscuro, the rat; miggery sow, the serving girl who wants to be a princess; and the princess pea. after desperaux falls in love with the princess, he is never the same again. in fact, his mouse community, including his father and brother, cast him into the dungeon to be eaten by rats! as fate would have it, desperaux survives and in surviving discovers a villainous plot of revenge against the princess pea. he takes it upon himself to become a knight with a shining needle and rescue the princess.

it is a tale of bravery, love, hope, mercy, forgiveness, and most of all, grace. it's a wonderful story that i will read again and again for my own enjoyment and will read repeatedly to my children. i promise you will love this story!

save the environment in seven easy steps!

1. do your laundry in the bathtub, while you bathe

doing laundry in the bathtub isn't very innovative. it's a little old fashioned, in fact. people used to do their laundry in the sink with a washboard, didn't they? and before that, they washed their laundry in the river, with or without the washboard. here's where it really becomes innovative: do your laundry while you take a bath! it'll conserve water and save you time!

2. reusable toilet paper

just like reusable cloth diapers, reusable toilet cloths will save thousands of trees from being cut down so you can wipe your butt. plus, you can wash your reusable toilet cloth in the bathtub while you bathe.

3. don't flush the toilet--ever

we all know the rhyme, 'if it's yellow let it mellow; if it's brown flush it down,' but let's take things just a little bit further. now that we're not putting toilet paper in the toilet (we're using reusable toilet cloths, remember?) we can afford to flush the toilet less often without worrying about the toilet clogging, so what if we only flushed once or twice a month? worried about the smell? simple, keep the lid down when you're not using it. if you're daring, you can take this step even further and only flush the toilet once or twice a year. don't worry about all that poop clogging up your drains, it'll dissolve into a sludgy soup before too long. when you finally get around to flushing the toilet, you won't be flushing much more than a thick fluid. so try it out and see your water consumption dramatically decrease!

4. throw away your television

i don't know what the usage statistics are for televisions, but i do know that the average household has it on for huge parts of the day. that consumes a lot of electricity. toss your television and save the planet! you'll also be saving money. don't think you can live without your tv? all the more reason to throw it away.

5. cut your power

maybe, right after you throw away your television, you can take the bolt cutters and snip your house's power cable. after you've gotten rid of the television, it's not so much of a stretch to nix the microwave, oven, refrigerator, and lights. say hello to reading more books and playing board games with candlelight. not to mention families spending more time together. say goodbye to keyboard related repetitive strain injuries.

6. stop washing

showering and bathing consumes so much water. if you add all the times you wash your hands, brush your teeth, wash the dishes ... you're consuming water like nobody's business! so stop. some people wash their hands before every meal! that's a ridiculous waste of water. some people brush their teeth three times a day! aren't we concerned about the environment? some people bathe or shower every day! you're wasting water people! get with the saving-the-planet program! you're worried that you'll smell bad? well, is it more important to you to smell all pretty than it is for your children to be able to live on this planet?

7. grow a garden

easy. grow a garden. now that you've cut your electricity and stopped washing and all that, you've freed up all kinds of time for yourself, you can grow a garden in your own back yard! don't have a back yard? get a load of dirt dumped in your living room or balcony and get down to work growing those carrots and onions.

chad and leanne and jelena are here!

so i'm just about bursting from all the excitement! chad and leanne and their baby jelena are spending the week with us. they flew in around midnight on friday (or is it saturday?). we've been passing our time relaxing, playing games, chatting it up, adoring jelena, touring the town, and eating, all in equal parts.

jelena is the most fun of all! she is so curious and content. she talks and sings to herself. and she's so funny!! (like most babies are, i imagine.)

pictures will appear later!

first ultrasound

i'd post the pictures of our first ultrasound ... but the doctor kept them. i'm kind of disappointed about that.

anyways, we saw our baby today! it's really little, as can be expected. it's about the size of a grain of rice and seems to be developing healthily (if the doctor is to be trusted). we could see it wiggling and we could see the heartbeat. we're calling it little belzoir (pronounced, bell-zo-ear).

looking at it, my face split into an uncontrollable grin and my eyes watered. thankfully, no one was looking at me, grinning like an idiot and crying ... i'm such a happy/proud papa.

Gatty's Tale by Kevin Crossley-Holland

so i finished reading Gatty's Tale last night and i have to say it's one of the better books i've ever read. it's the kind of book that just keeps getting better and better as you keep reading it. it never really gets boring or dull, but it's not gripping or thrilling either, i just kept reading it because it was so nicely written and the story was so well told and the characters were so wonderful and lovable and its world was so rich and colourful. it's its richness that makes it so exciting.

Gatty's Tale is a period piece set in medieval europe, during the time of the crusades and the short-lived kingdom of jerusalem. the story is really about Gatty's growth from a girl to a young woman and the story richly demonstrates her maturation from childhood to young adulthood in a very charming and warmhearted way. her maturation takes place during her pilgrimage from wales to jerusalem. getting to witness that transformation and the events that mature her is probably my favourite part of this novel.

it's a novel that i look forward to reading again and again. eventually.

on a final note, i think i should warn you that this is one of joanne's favourite books. the pace is decidedly slow and it's full of details and descriptions. it's the kind of book that focusses on its characters and settings rathers than the action and the plot. so it's not gripping and it's not exciting. if you can't stand that kind of thing, don't bother with reading this book. it'll bore you to death. but for everyone else, i can wholeheartedly recommend this book as a delicious experience that you will thoroughly enjoy!

war, inc.

okay, so i watched the movie war, inc. this weekend. it kind of took me by surprise because i was expecting it to be a serious thriller kind of movie. instead, i found it to be a shameless satirical comedy.

the thing that makes the movies satire really sting is its cynicism. the movie is so cynical, you can't take it seriously, you have to suspend disbelief and just laugh. the movie is set in the fictional country of turaqistan, which has just been invaded by the united states. actually, that's not entirely accurate. the invasion of turaqistan has been outsourced to the contractor, tamerlane, which is currently occupying the country so that american corporations can plunder ... er, develop ... the country. the genius thing about the movie is that, while it's set in third world country turaqistan, it manages to make poignant fun of american materialism and commercialism. it's only been a few months since the invasion/occupation and already turaqistan has its own britney spears wannabe pop star, yonica baby. (i'm not entirely sure that "baby" is actually part of her name, but most characters refer to her as "yonica baby.") there are fast food restaurants popping up all over the place. a trade show is opening in a giant arena. oh yeah, and they're diverting the river that flows through the city so that it flows right next to the trade show. (i know, right, why not put the trade show next to the river, instead of the other way around?) it's this kind of over the top kind of thing that makes the movie so satirically comedic.

anyway, the movie focusses on three central characters, an assassin who works for tamerlane (i don't know his real name but he's played by john cusack), yonica baby the pop star, and a tenacious anti-american reporter, whose name i also can't remember. the assassin is fronting as the manager of the trade show, so he has to work out everyone's differences, and put on a good face for the show, to make it look good, you know. his real job is to assassinate a local called omar shariff (not the actor). the reporter is kind of frustrated with the whole turaqistan experience. they're not letting her report on the real war, they only let her see footage that has obviously been edited. she develops a relationship with the assassin/trade show manager after initially rubbing each other the wrong way, they find themselves falling head over heels in tolerance of each other. this tolerance eventually matures into attraction. yonica baby is a difficult character. she appears to be a shallow materialistic whore who sells her body for fame and money. her wedding to her boyfriend/manager is scheduled to be one of the highlights of the trade show but it becomes increasingly obvious that her boyfriend/manager is an abusive jerk who's only after the money and is pimping yonica baby out. despite all the surface shallowness she puts on, yonica displays some startling depth when she thinks she's alone.

the scene that made me laugh out loud was one where the character played by john cusack goes to the war zone. he stops his car in a bombed out city and three children approach him, asking for candy. he replies that no, he didn't bring any candy with him this time, but he gives them a handful of american dollar bills in exchange for a bit of information, and he leaves his armoured truck with them. when he gets back, the truck windows have been smashed in, everything has been stolen out of it and the truck is on blocks because the tires are gone. "that's what you get for not bringing candy!" the little boy sneers, and runs off.

so, everything comes together at the ending, and its the ending that makes the movie worth watching. the movie kind of tortures you, makes you see all kinds of crazy stuff--there's talk of having one man drowned in pig dung and you have to watch tamerlane soldiers high on some kind of caffeine supplement massacre a bunch of unarmed civilians. but the ending makes all that somehow worthwhile. of course, you get the expected satisfaction of having tamerlane exposed and brought down. but the ending is just so optimistic and warm-hearted that it kind of jerked my head around because i thought i was watching a cynical, pessimistic movie.

so, if you like anti-american satire films, watch this one. it's fantastic.

all week long

well, we've had quite the interesting week.

monday morning at five o'clock, i woke up to janelle yelling, "patrick, patrick!" from the bathroom. being the kind and sensitive guy i am, i yelled right back, "what!?" and she said, "come here!" so i clambered out of bed and made my way to the washroom, squinting because i didn't bother with my glasses that early in the morning, and very grumpy at being woken up so early. when i entered the washroom, janelle was sitting on the toilet. "look!" she beamed, pushing something at my face.

it was a pregnancy test. the display read "+1." i could feel my face splitting into a grin.

janelle wanted to call everyone right away. as excited and happy as i was, i wanted to get back into bed. we went to bed and, when we woke up later in the morning, like around a quarter to eight, we tried to decide if we should tell everyone yet or not. we decided to tell everyone, so janelle called her parents and i called my parents and everyone was really excited. then we went to the office, again we couldn't decide wether or not to tell everyone. we decided to tell our coworkers because they might celebrate by giving us time off, which would be stellar.

so, around ten o'clock, i made some coffee and brought it down to the office and when joy got down i told her, "hey joy, janelle's pregnant." and the news spread from there. henry thought we were kidding. jane screamed and danced. there was some belly touching and hugs and things like that... it was a unique experience. at least, for me.

no such luck as getting a day off though, with the tour coming the next day there was plenty of work to do and we were very busy.

at lunch we called most of our family and friends and informed them of the good news.

i had to work late, to help get ready for the tour and janelle went to the hospital to get some bloodwork done. afterwards we got invited to rebekah's for supper and we went, we borrowed mom and dad's swan's car.

we stayed quite late, and afterwards stopped by the superstore for some dried prunes: janelle's first pregnancy craving. she used to hate dried prunes, now she eats them all the time.

tuesday morning we started early, but not as early as joy, jane, and henry. they started at five o'clock. we started at around seven. the tour arrived at eight o'clock. what a waste of time getting those apartments cleaned, they didn't even look at them.

and i thought that we'd get to do nothing the rest of the day because the building was all cleaned and looking great. but mary ann decided that she wanted all of the empty units market ready by the end of the day. there was one really, really bad apartment and joy and i spent most of the day cleaning it. we sprayed oven cleaner all over the place, we used up about a can and a half of that ... and we ran out of all purpose cleaner, so we mixed water and bleach and sprayed that around for a while. in the washroom, we used straight bleach to clean the mildew off the shower tiles and floor and i sprayed the inside and outside of the toilet and sink with toilet bowl cleaner. as you can imagine, after a while, the fumes started getting to us and we developed terrible headaches and sore throats.
later in the day janelle told me that if we had read the label, it would have told us not to use bleach and oven cleaner at the same time because the fumes combine to make some kind of poisonous vapour. but by then i'd already developed a nasty bleeding nose that bled intermittently for a few days.

on wednesday we found out that there was going to be another tour the following tuesday. we were too exhausted to do much of anything and after hastily tidying the building, we spent the rest of the day doing very little.

thursday was the staff party at bowlerama, so we closed the office early and headed over with mom and dad swan. it was pretty fun, we bowled. henry is the best bowler, but he hurt his shoulder and stopped playing. our team didn't win at bowling, however, i did win $250 in gift certificates from sobeys in a random draw. so we went home happy.

on friday, some guy from waste management came and put up some signs in the building, at first joy and i helped him, but joy abandoned us and then it was just me and him. we put signs all over the building, showing how to separate garbage and recycling. afterwards he praised my resourcefulness and initiative to mary ann and she was very impressed. i patted myself on the back. now janelle is at a potluck party or something and i have to go to the washroom... so that's all.

weekend working

you know, the world is divided into two kinds of people: those who love cats and those who hate cats. sad to say, i'm beginning to find myself in the second category.

so, it's the halifax conference this weekend. guess what we're doing? cleaning apartments. okay, if we were just on duty, one of us could go, or we could take turns going ... but someone at head office decided that monday would be a good day for an investor's tour and mary ann picked the two dirtiest apartments to show them. so janelle and i are spending the whole weekend cleaning. oh yeah, and don't forget to water mary ann's flowers...

both apartments belonged to tenants who were evicted. both apartments belonged to people who couldn't care for their cats properly. both apartments belonged to very dirty people.

in one of the apartments, the cat pee smell was so strong that we treated it by pouring bleach all over the floor. after we mopped it up, we could still smell cat pee. apparently, they didn't bother buying a cat litter box, they just poured sand all over the floor in the closet and let the cat go nuts. i'm surprised they didn't get sick and die; while they were living there, the cat pee could be smelled in the common hallway and in other people's apartments.

we figured out that we could cut corners in our cleaning. in the kitchen, we sprayed everything (everything!) in oven cleaner and then wiped it clean. it got all the grease and grime off. in the washroom, we ran out of bleach cream, so we covered everything in toilet bowl cleaner and wiped it clean and then sprayed it with all purpose cleaner and wiped it again. in the bad cat smell apartment, we found chunks of poo all around the toilet and the outside of the bathtub, these chunks were covered in cat hair. it was gross. we took out whole garbage bags that seemed full of little other than cat hair.

so, if you live in an apartment and have a cat ... please have some consideration for your superintendents and neighbors!

another cat story! i was sitting in the office doing some paperwork this morning when a tenant from the second floor came in and told me there was a cat wandering the corridors on the second floor. so i took the elevator up and in the elevator i saw a sign that read: "missing black and white cat." nothing else, no phone number, no address. that's awfully helpful! (apparently, the other two elevators had a phone number on their signs... but i didn't see them.)

i found the cat curled up and looking scared in an apartment entryway. i picked it up and knocked on the door but there was no answer. so i started toward the elevator and picked up my cellphone to call joy (our immediate supervisor) because she has two cats. as her phone was ringing, another tenant came off the elevator and pointed out the sign inside that elevator: "missing black and white cat" this sign had a phone number, but at that moment joy answered her phone and i said, "sorry joy, i just found a cat and i was going to call you to see if you could babysit it until we find the owners, but i found someone's phone number here." she sounded a little excited, "is it black and white?! it's mine, it's mine!" so i smashed the cat in the head with a shovel and it died.



just kidding. i'm pretty sure the cat gets to live happily ever after. dumb cat. i got claw marks all over my arms and chest because the beast doesn't like elevators.