Burning Down the House by Russell Wangersky

the subtitle to this book is fighting fires and losing myself. i bought the book after i heard an interview on cbc radio with the author. actually, it was two different interviews, months apart where mr. wangersky--now the editor of a st. john's nfld newspaper--talked about his career as a volunteer fire fighter. i was fascinated because i had wanted to be a firefighter, too at one time.

for me, i wanted to be a firefighter for the same reason that i wanted to be a doctor, later on. i like the crisis, doing something that really makes a difference--not like making pizzas or stocking grocery store shelves, or painting houses, or cleaning an apartment building--i want a job that really makes a difference. and being a firefighter is one of those jobs.

anyway, in burning down the house wangersky writes about how he started out, joined the volunteer fire department in wolfville, nova scotia as a rookie and eventually became deputy fire chief of a small volunteer department outside st. john's, newfoundland. he writes about how firefighting took over more and more of his life, until everything was overshadowed by this one thing--firefighting. really, i think it was the post-traumatic shock syndrome. it set in pretty early and he had no way to recognize it or deal with it and it kept getting worse and worse. by the time he was able to treat it, it was already too late--too late for his marriage, too late for a lot of things and he was permanently scarred. i think that this book is more about that than it is about firefighting and that the writing of the book served as a therapy for post traumatic shock syndrome.

my reaction to the book is complicated. i feel a great deal of sympathy for the man, but at the same time, i don't really relate all that much. for one thing, wangersky talks about how the other firefighters never talked about how they felt or about their experiences when dealing with traumatic events and situations. he felt that it was taboo to talk about his feelings with his fellow firefighters. when he came home, his wife didn't want to hear about it, didn't want him to talk about it. (i think that's incredibly insensitive of her, but he paints her as more of a victim ...) the reason i can't relate is that, i'm so socially inept and stupid that i wouldn't realize that talking about your feelings is taboo and i'd talk about them anyway. also, my wife is so awesome and wonderful that she would never not want to hear about it. she would be glad to listen to me and she would be thrilled that i had a job that was both fulfilling for me and helpful to other people. also, i think he was affected by the job more than i ever would be. if he saw a dead person, it would stick with him for a very long time, while i think i might get over it much more quickly (maybe it's just because i'm more self-centered). also, if he went into someone's burning house and saw really personal stuff, like their dirty laundry, or their underwear drawer, that would affect him quite strongly as well, where i don't think i would even clue in that that was something i wasn't supposed to see and that it could embarass someone.

anyways, i think it was a great book, good to read for anyone who is curious about post traumatic shock and that sort of thing... good to read for anyone, really. and extremely well written.