This morning I finished reading the third chapter, The Good Letters.
In this chapter, Barzun talks about Humanism. It's a very boring chapter. Mostly he talks about the early humanists who went back to the classics of ancient Greece and Rome. He contrasts these early humanists who appreciated classical art and its expression of humanity to the more modern humanists who deify Man.
The early humanists were not completely secular, though they were accused of being worldly by those who were more devoted to the spiritual existence. Many of these humanists were churchmen, priests of the Catholic church. In the final sections of this chapter, Barzun even introduces a series of humanist popes. Anyways, I'm quite fuzzy on the details in this section because I was only half paying attention and the rest of my mind was wandering because it was so boring.
There was, however, one very interesting part. Barzun wrote about Petrarch, giving a brief history of his life and work. Petrarch is the Italian poet after whom the Petrarchan sonnet is named. He was a priest, at least at first, and he became a great celebrity in Italy and Europe as a poet and orator. I certainly recommend reading this brief section (maybe one or three pages).
So, until next time!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Janelle Talks In Her Sleep
Janelle went to bed as soon as she got home from work, poor thing, she was so tired. I went to bed with her and read to her until she fell asleep. After she fell asleep I kept reading to the end of the chapter. When I finished the chapter, I put the book down, took off my glasses and turned off the lights.
Janelle sat upright in bed and said,
"Patrick...?" in a very sleepy sounding voice.
"Patrick, this is very important, you have to listen to me." She took hold of my hand and squeezed it.
"When I'm talking about the man on the radio, I'm not talking about the man on the radio, I'm talking about being interrupted by the person who turned the radio on."
Confused, I leaned in very close and said, "I'm sorry, what are you saying?"
She started over again, "When I'm talking about the man ..." and she stopped. Then she said, "I hear the laughing meanness in your voice. Get me some warm pajamas, I'm freezing."
Janelle sat upright in bed and said,
"Patrick...?" in a very sleepy sounding voice.
"Patrick, this is very important, you have to listen to me." She took hold of my hand and squeezed it.
"When I'm talking about the man on the radio, I'm not talking about the man on the radio, I'm talking about being interrupted by the person who turned the radio on."
Confused, I leaned in very close and said, "I'm sorry, what are you saying?"
She started over again, "When I'm talking about the man ..." and she stopped. Then she said, "I hear the laughing meanness in your voice. Get me some warm pajamas, I'm freezing."
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Just Another Monday Night In Halifax
So, monday is our (me and janelle) only night off together. since moving in with janelle's parents for the summer, we've decided to make it our date night. it happens to work out quite wonderfully, seeing as we live right smack downtown.
last night, we got up around seven pm and headed to Your Father's Moustache for supper. We had burgers. janelle's was particularly tasty, but i can't remember what it was. mine was really spicy.
afterwards we went to the theater across the street to watch The Killers. it was really funny, but it kept reminding me of Zombieland. in Zombieland, deadly killer zombies pop up everywhere; in The Killers, deadly killer people pop of everywhere. both movies are basically: SURPRISE, WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!! but of course, they fail, because it wouldn't be much of a movie if the protagonists died, right.
anyways, after that we went to the economy shoe shop for drinks. it was exceptionally nice. i'd like to make the shoe shop a monday night tradition. then we went home and surfed the interweb, looking for apartments in thunder bay for the fall... because we're moving there.
and then we hit up the 24 hour subway up the street for breakfast as the sun came up. it was super nice.
last night, we got up around seven pm and headed to Your Father's Moustache for supper. We had burgers. janelle's was particularly tasty, but i can't remember what it was. mine was really spicy.
afterwards we went to the theater across the street to watch The Killers. it was really funny, but it kept reminding me of Zombieland. in Zombieland, deadly killer zombies pop up everywhere; in The Killers, deadly killer people pop of everywhere. both movies are basically: SURPRISE, WE'RE GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!! but of course, they fail, because it wouldn't be much of a movie if the protagonists died, right.
anyways, after that we went to the economy shoe shop for drinks. it was exceptionally nice. i'd like to make the shoe shop a monday night tradition. then we went home and surfed the interweb, looking for apartments in thunder bay for the fall... because we're moving there.
and then we hit up the 24 hour subway up the street for breakfast as the sun came up. it was super nice.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
From Dawn to Decadence by Jacques Barzun (Part 1)
I finished reading the first two chapters, The West Torn Apart and The New Life with Janelle. Janelle and I read this book together and discuss it as we read. I can understand it more this way but we read it much more slowly.
These chapters focus on the Protestant Reformation, which Barzun identifies as the first Revolution of the west. In The West Torn Apart he describes the Protestant Reformation in detail. He draws a very readable character description of Martin Luther as well as a few of the other major players that I really appreciated. He also demonstrated a strong understanding of the theological and philosophical issues of the time. So, reading it I got to see not only what happened but why and how and what the thinking behind this revolution was. I also appreciated the detail that went into the description of the Protestant Reformation. In just twenty or twenty five pages, Barzun gave the best explanation of the Protestant Reformation that I have yet come across.
In The New Life Barzun describes how the Protestant Reformation changed how life was lived in the West. He describes the various new sects of Protestantism and, briefly, their theologies and philosophies. He gives a description of John Calvin and his movement and government and contrasts John Calvin's theology and philosophy to Martin Luther's. Finally, he describes the counter-revolution within the Catholic Church: the eighteen year Council of Trent and the formation of the Jesuit order (The Society of Jesus) by the Spanish soldier, Loyola.
So, it's not the 100 pages or the one week that I promised but I am reading much more slowly than I had anticipated. Also, Janelle and I moved this past week and so, haven't had much time to read. Future updates should come sooner. Also, instead of giving an update every 100 pages, I think I will do it every couple of chapters, like this one, unless I change my mind.
So far, I'm loving it.
These chapters focus on the Protestant Reformation, which Barzun identifies as the first Revolution of the west. In The West Torn Apart he describes the Protestant Reformation in detail. He draws a very readable character description of Martin Luther as well as a few of the other major players that I really appreciated. He also demonstrated a strong understanding of the theological and philosophical issues of the time. So, reading it I got to see not only what happened but why and how and what the thinking behind this revolution was. I also appreciated the detail that went into the description of the Protestant Reformation. In just twenty or twenty five pages, Barzun gave the best explanation of the Protestant Reformation that I have yet come across.
In The New Life Barzun describes how the Protestant Reformation changed how life was lived in the West. He describes the various new sects of Protestantism and, briefly, their theologies and philosophies. He gives a description of John Calvin and his movement and government and contrasts John Calvin's theology and philosophy to Martin Luther's. Finally, he describes the counter-revolution within the Catholic Church: the eighteen year Council of Trent and the formation of the Jesuit order (The Society of Jesus) by the Spanish soldier, Loyola.
So, it's not the 100 pages or the one week that I promised but I am reading much more slowly than I had anticipated. Also, Janelle and I moved this past week and so, haven't had much time to read. Future updates should come sooner. Also, instead of giving an update every 100 pages, I think I will do it every couple of chapters, like this one, unless I change my mind.
So far, I'm loving it.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
disturbing dream
so, the other night, i had a very disturbing dream.
i was some kind of bureaucrat for a secret security spy organization and i handled contractors, like if we hired a contractor to do a hit, or gather information, i would be handling it.
so, this one contractor i was handling was a woman who was supposed to be a very efficient hit woman. it turned out that she was manipulating these two pro soccer players, offering them money and sex, to do the hits for her. that's totally against the rules because it's supposed to be secret and she didn't clear the subcontracts with me. anyways, i knew what she was up to and i let it go because she was getting the job done.
anyways, eventually, these two pro soccer player's wives found out what was going on and it was going to be very messy. i was following the woman, just to make sure that everything stayed tidy, so when the two pro soccer players and their wives confronted her, i let her shoot the soccer players dead and then i intervened, disarming her, stripping her naked and beating her to death with my bare hands in front of the soccer players' wives and children.
i really wonder where this kind of dream comes from...
i was some kind of bureaucrat for a secret security spy organization and i handled contractors, like if we hired a contractor to do a hit, or gather information, i would be handling it.
so, this one contractor i was handling was a woman who was supposed to be a very efficient hit woman. it turned out that she was manipulating these two pro soccer players, offering them money and sex, to do the hits for her. that's totally against the rules because it's supposed to be secret and she didn't clear the subcontracts with me. anyways, i knew what she was up to and i let it go because she was getting the job done.
anyways, eventually, these two pro soccer player's wives found out what was going on and it was going to be very messy. i was following the woman, just to make sure that everything stayed tidy, so when the two pro soccer players and their wives confronted her, i let her shoot the soccer players dead and then i intervened, disarming her, stripping her naked and beating her to death with my bare hands in front of the soccer players' wives and children.
i really wonder where this kind of dream comes from...
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
From Dawn to Decadence: 500 Years of Western Cultural Life by Jacques Barzun
I've begun reading From Dawn to Decadence again. (I originally started reading it a number of years ago, after it was recommended by my first year history professor.) It is a lengthy book, roughly eight hundred pages, and I intend to finish it by the end of the summer because one of the courses I need this fall is Historiography. I believe reading this book will prepare me for this course. Hopefully.
Since I consider reading this book to be a major undertaking, I need to develop a little self discipline in order to continue reading it. (It's a very boring book.) So, I intend to keep myself accountable by blogging about it every 100 pages or so, instead of writing one review at the end. I'll try to include a brief summary as well as a few things that I learned from the book in each post... I hope to post once a week. Maybe.
Off to the library...
Since I consider reading this book to be a major undertaking, I need to develop a little self discipline in order to continue reading it. (It's a very boring book.) So, I intend to keep myself accountable by blogging about it every 100 pages or so, instead of writing one review at the end. I'll try to include a brief summary as well as a few things that I learned from the book in each post... I hope to post once a week. Maybe.
Off to the library...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Summary
Captain Jean-Luc Picard and his trusty shipmates explore the galaxy. Along the way they encounter all kinds of weird diplomatic situations, conflicts, engine trouble, and anomalies. But that's what exploring is all about.
So, instead of just listing what I liked and what I didn't like, I'm going to write about different themes and motifs that pop up throughout the seven seasons. Yes, I did just watch all seven seasons.
The Prime Directive
The Prime Directive is pretty much my favourite thing about Star Trek. It's the most important law of the United Federation of Planets, or something like that, that's why it's called the Prime Directive.
The Prime Directive has two parts, the first part is that agents of the Federation cannot make their presence known to people who do not have warp technology, that is, they can't do space travel outside their own star systems very well. This is to prevent interference with the natural development of people's cultures and societies and science and stuff like that. It also prevents people from taking advantage of other people who have lower technology or a less developed society.
The second part is that agents of the Federation cannot interfere in the internal affairs of other governments without invitation. When the Federation is invited to interfere, they usually mediate conflicts and do diplomacy.
Other sub-sections of the Prime Directive include prohibitions on dealing weapons, taking sides in local conflicts, altering the timeline by time travelling, and all kinds of other wonderful things.
I like the Prime Directive because it prevents people with advanced technology from taking advantage of lesser developed people and because it promotes peace.
Jean-Luc Picard treats the Prime Directive as a philosophy, different situations call for different interpretations of the Prime Directive. And I like that approach too because it makes it flexible. It's not rigid.
Sometimes the Prime Directive really sucks. Like when a planet destabilizes, and all the pre-warp cultures on the planet will die, The Prime Directive prohibits intervention because that would interfere with the natural development of things. So, they're just supposed to let the people die. Luckily, there's usually someone around who's willing to violate the Prime Directive in order to save the pre-warp people. And then they get into a huge conflict with Jean-Luc Picard, who eventually concedes on some points and helps save the people.
A Starship Captain is a Wonderful Thing...
Jean-Luc Picard is an exemplary starship captain. He's a great leader because he's good at making decisions and being confident and taking risks. He loves diplomacy, and always looks for ways to preserve peace, and for peaceful solutions to problems. But he's not afraid of a good fight, and he won't back down or compromise just to avoid one.
He thinks of himself as an explorer, rather than a military man or a diplomat, though. His mission is to explore the galaxy, find out about it, find new life and all that wonderful stuff.
He's a bit of a philosopher and poet, too. He loves Shakespeare, and has lots of Shakespeare's works memorized. He knows his philosophies too. In fact, he knows way more than you'd think possible. And it always comes in handy in tricky situations. His knowledge of philosophy and poetry make Picard a rich character.
He's got some flaws, but they're few and far between. For example, he doesn't like children much.
In short, it seems very important for a starship captain to be a well rounded person with a rich and well-developed internal life.
Surprisingly Vulnerable
The Starship Enterprise, flagship of the United Federation of Planets, is surprisingly vulnerable. It is often outgunned by single ships. Its shields seem to be easily compromised by either brute force or by hacking. Speaking of hacking, even the ship's computer systems are surprisingly vulnerable, they're almost always being hacked and their security and command codes being compromised. (That's what they get for using Windows.)
Whenever an incident occurs onboard the ship, it usually degenerates into a drawn out investigation, I often wondered, "why don't they just check the surveillance cameras?" But there are no surveillance cameras. Why not? Well, one possibility is that in such an advanced society, the privacy of the people is given a higher value, and this precludes the use of surveillance cameras. However, no one on the show actually says so--that's just my theory. My other theory is that the writers would have to come up with more complicated mysteries if there were surveillance cameras.
Hmmm... So, maybe the Enterprise is so surprisingly vulnerable on purpose. It sure is convenient for the writers.
Cheap Suspense
The Enterprise crew is always getting into trouble. Always. And no matter what the problem is, it almost always threatens the whole ship and all the lives on board. And no matter what the problem is, the ingenious crew always manage to solve the problem and pull through with only minor injuries at the very last minute. Always. Of course, it wouldn't be much of a show if they lost the ship every time they had a problem. Because then, that would just be unrealistic.
Great Characters
I really liked the characters on this show. They were well rounded and rich characters with real-life issues that they managed to overcome by relying on the wealth of resources at their fingertips: their own inner strength, their wonderful friendships, and the holodec.
Evolution and Technology
Jean-Luc Picard often argues that the human race has evolved. That people are no longer what they were before. War, greed, and all the really bad stuff that plagued humanity's past have largely been eliminated.
I disagree. The show features some pretty advanced technology, for example, the Transporter. The transporter is able to convert matter into energy and back into matter again. Transporter technology is used in the replicator system and the holodec. With the replicator, you can program the computer to make whatever you want it to make and it will make it for you by converting energy into matter. With the holodec, you can use transporter technology to recreate any environment or activity artificially. If you want to go swimming, just program yourself a beach, if you want to go horseback riding, just program yourself a horse, and it's there.
All this technology requires tons of energy, though. No worries, Anti-matter reactors provide more than enough energy at very low cost.
Why have war or greed or any crime at all when you can have anything you want at the push of a button? I argue that Star Trek's human being hasn't evolved at all. Take away all the technology and you have the same old greedy human being.
...
There's lots to talk about, but I'm through for now. Maybe I'll add more later.
Captain Jean-Luc Picard and his trusty shipmates explore the galaxy. Along the way they encounter all kinds of weird diplomatic situations, conflicts, engine trouble, and anomalies. But that's what exploring is all about.
So, instead of just listing what I liked and what I didn't like, I'm going to write about different themes and motifs that pop up throughout the seven seasons. Yes, I did just watch all seven seasons.
The Prime Directive
The Prime Directive is pretty much my favourite thing about Star Trek. It's the most important law of the United Federation of Planets, or something like that, that's why it's called the Prime Directive.
The Prime Directive has two parts, the first part is that agents of the Federation cannot make their presence known to people who do not have warp technology, that is, they can't do space travel outside their own star systems very well. This is to prevent interference with the natural development of people's cultures and societies and science and stuff like that. It also prevents people from taking advantage of other people who have lower technology or a less developed society.
The second part is that agents of the Federation cannot interfere in the internal affairs of other governments without invitation. When the Federation is invited to interfere, they usually mediate conflicts and do diplomacy.
Other sub-sections of the Prime Directive include prohibitions on dealing weapons, taking sides in local conflicts, altering the timeline by time travelling, and all kinds of other wonderful things.
I like the Prime Directive because it prevents people with advanced technology from taking advantage of lesser developed people and because it promotes peace.
Jean-Luc Picard treats the Prime Directive as a philosophy, different situations call for different interpretations of the Prime Directive. And I like that approach too because it makes it flexible. It's not rigid.
Sometimes the Prime Directive really sucks. Like when a planet destabilizes, and all the pre-warp cultures on the planet will die, The Prime Directive prohibits intervention because that would interfere with the natural development of things. So, they're just supposed to let the people die. Luckily, there's usually someone around who's willing to violate the Prime Directive in order to save the pre-warp people. And then they get into a huge conflict with Jean-Luc Picard, who eventually concedes on some points and helps save the people.
A Starship Captain is a Wonderful Thing...
Jean-Luc Picard is an exemplary starship captain. He's a great leader because he's good at making decisions and being confident and taking risks. He loves diplomacy, and always looks for ways to preserve peace, and for peaceful solutions to problems. But he's not afraid of a good fight, and he won't back down or compromise just to avoid one.
He thinks of himself as an explorer, rather than a military man or a diplomat, though. His mission is to explore the galaxy, find out about it, find new life and all that wonderful stuff.
He's a bit of a philosopher and poet, too. He loves Shakespeare, and has lots of Shakespeare's works memorized. He knows his philosophies too. In fact, he knows way more than you'd think possible. And it always comes in handy in tricky situations. His knowledge of philosophy and poetry make Picard a rich character.
He's got some flaws, but they're few and far between. For example, he doesn't like children much.
In short, it seems very important for a starship captain to be a well rounded person with a rich and well-developed internal life.
Surprisingly Vulnerable
The Starship Enterprise, flagship of the United Federation of Planets, is surprisingly vulnerable. It is often outgunned by single ships. Its shields seem to be easily compromised by either brute force or by hacking. Speaking of hacking, even the ship's computer systems are surprisingly vulnerable, they're almost always being hacked and their security and command codes being compromised. (That's what they get for using Windows.)
Whenever an incident occurs onboard the ship, it usually degenerates into a drawn out investigation, I often wondered, "why don't they just check the surveillance cameras?" But there are no surveillance cameras. Why not? Well, one possibility is that in such an advanced society, the privacy of the people is given a higher value, and this precludes the use of surveillance cameras. However, no one on the show actually says so--that's just my theory. My other theory is that the writers would have to come up with more complicated mysteries if there were surveillance cameras.
Hmmm... So, maybe the Enterprise is so surprisingly vulnerable on purpose. It sure is convenient for the writers.
Cheap Suspense
The Enterprise crew is always getting into trouble. Always. And no matter what the problem is, it almost always threatens the whole ship and all the lives on board. And no matter what the problem is, the ingenious crew always manage to solve the problem and pull through with only minor injuries at the very last minute. Always. Of course, it wouldn't be much of a show if they lost the ship every time they had a problem. Because then, that would just be unrealistic.
Great Characters
I really liked the characters on this show. They were well rounded and rich characters with real-life issues that they managed to overcome by relying on the wealth of resources at their fingertips: their own inner strength, their wonderful friendships, and the holodec.
Evolution and Technology
Jean-Luc Picard often argues that the human race has evolved. That people are no longer what they were before. War, greed, and all the really bad stuff that plagued humanity's past have largely been eliminated.
I disagree. The show features some pretty advanced technology, for example, the Transporter. The transporter is able to convert matter into energy and back into matter again. Transporter technology is used in the replicator system and the holodec. With the replicator, you can program the computer to make whatever you want it to make and it will make it for you by converting energy into matter. With the holodec, you can use transporter technology to recreate any environment or activity artificially. If you want to go swimming, just program yourself a beach, if you want to go horseback riding, just program yourself a horse, and it's there.
All this technology requires tons of energy, though. No worries, Anti-matter reactors provide more than enough energy at very low cost.
Why have war or greed or any crime at all when you can have anything you want at the push of a button? I argue that Star Trek's human being hasn't evolved at all. Take away all the technology and you have the same old greedy human being.
...
There's lots to talk about, but I'm through for now. Maybe I'll add more later.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Danny the Champion of the World by Roald Dahl
Summary
Danny loves his life. He lives in a gypsy caravan parked behind the filling station his father owns. His father is a car mechanic, the best all around. And by the time Danny is seven years old, he can take apart an engine and put it back together all by himself.
Danny's father also happens to be a pretty spectacular fellow. He builds Danny a co-cart, teaches him to make a kite and a hot air balloon. In fact, Danny's father is Danny's favourite person in the whole world. He'd rather be with him than anyone else.
So, when Danny finds out that his father has a criminal hobby, naturally, he wants to join him.
What I liked
The story was excellent. Probably one of the funniest I've read in a very long time. It was also very well written, and full of rich and witty commentary. For example:
"While I was still a baby, my father washed me and fed me and changed my diapers and did all the millions of other things a mother normally does for her child. That is not an easy task for a man, especially when he has to earn his living at the same time by repairing automobile engines and serving customers with gasoline."
Also, Danny's narration brings childlike wonder and excitement to even the most mundane events. I don't think I have ever read a more suspenseful account of a person changing gears in a standard transmission automobile before.
What I didn't like
Well, morally speaking, I don't think that a man being horribly evil is any kind of justification for stealing from him. And enticing a child to participate in criminal behaviour is reprehensible. Also, for a police officer to participate in and encourage said criminal behaviour is pretty much disgusting.
That being said, there wasn't really anything I didn't like about this book.
Summary
The story was funny, well-written, exciting and wonderful. It was easy to read and very short. I recommend it to anyone who wants to take a vacation from heavy reading and just lay back and read and laugh.
This book gets 5/5 child mechanics.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Edward's Eyes by Patricia MacLachlan
Summary
Jake's little brother Edward is one special kid. He can make anyone smile. He's the only one around who can throw a perfect knuckleball. He loves fireworks and music and singing and he loves his little sister, Sabine, almost more anyone else in the whole world. He loves to hold her and sing to her.
And then, tragedy strikes.
What I liked.
I liked the characters. They're a pretty neat family of crazies. They made me want to have children.
Patricia MacLachlan's writing is of the best quality, as ever.
Patricia MacLachlan's writing is of the best quality, as ever.
What I didn't like.
The title and the jacket summary totally gave away the whole plot.
Also, it was really hard to figure out who the characters were at first. It took me a while to figure out that Albert Groom was an old man. Maybe it's just because I'm slow. By the end of the story, I still didn't know what his connection to the family was. (I mean, aside from his obviously being a family friend.)
The writing was a little jumpy and loose and jumbly. The story goes back and forth between the past and the present, without really establishing when the present is, except that it's after the events of the past. (Janelle disagrees, she says it seemed very smooth to her. In any case the story doesn't suffer much.)
Also, I didn't like all the talk of signs. It was weird. The characters would point to events and coincidences and say "It's a sign!" But they wouldn't really say what the sign was supposed to indicate. Except once when a bird flew over the baseball game and someone said, "It's a sign!" And then Edward hit the ball that he hadn't been able to hit before (or something like that.) Anyway, it all just seemed a little unnecessary to me.
Also, I didn't like all the talk of signs. It was weird. The characters would point to events and coincidences and say "It's a sign!" But they wouldn't really say what the sign was supposed to indicate. Except once when a bird flew over the baseball game and someone said, "It's a sign!" And then Edward hit the ball that he hadn't been able to hit before (or something like that.) Anyway, it all just seemed a little unnecessary to me.
Conclusion
It's a good story and it's short. So I'll give it a rating of 3/5 knuckle balls. It's worth the time it takes to read it.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Funny Story; Strange Dream
So, the other day I was watching an episode of Star Trek: Voyager, in which Captain Janeway, while arguing for the rights of an artificial person refers to humanity's past with words something like: "It was only a few centuries ago that only landowners of a particular gender and race had any rights..."
And my initial reaction to her statement was a sudden tightening in my chest and the panicked thought: "Oh no! I don't own any land!"
Yeah, I thought that was funny too.
Okay, so here's my strange and funny dream:
Last night I dreamed that I was in Kapuskasing on a Sunday morning. Immediately before morning meeting, my father asked me to preach afterwards and I felt that I had no choice but to agree, so I did.
I planned to think up a message during the breaking of bread, but every time I opened my Bible my mind would wander and I would forget. So, suddenly it was time to preach and I had nothing. I was sitting in the front row, desperately leafing through my Bible and thinking, The Psalms? No. I don't know the Psalms that well. One John? No, I did that last time I was here. Philippians? No, I did that the time before... and becoming more and more panicked.
But when the time finally came, I was getting ready to get up and make up a message on the fly when an older gentleman got up and started preaching. I was confused, was he going to preach instead of me? Was he only introducing me?
As I was thinking this, Jesse, who was sitting directly behind me put his feet through the crack in my seat and pressed them against my back. I was irritated and tried to shove his feet away, but he shoved back. He shoved back so hard that, to my extreme embarrassment, I fell out of my chair and landed on the floor in front of everyone.
But I didn't have a long time to be embarrassed. I began to slide along the curvature of the earth, faster and faster, unable to stop. I could see the continents rushing by as I slid. Finally I came to a stop. When I returned to my ordinary size, I was in Russia.
I thought, Okay, no problem. I'll find an airport and take a plane to Toronto; I'll be home by bedtime. So I started walking. I followed a bus into an airport. On the bus, though, I saw my coworker, Chad. (Not my brother, my coworker at the stupid store.) He asked me what I was doing and I replied that I was an international spy. (Weird, huh?)
So, anyways, I decided to try to find a telephone so I could call my parents so they wouldn't worry about me, so I entered one of the buildings in the area and asked the first person I saw if there was a telephone I could use. It was a girl and she turned out to be Marie-Helen, the girl I had a crush on in grade six-seven. So, she took me down to a dungeon like basement where there was a telephone. So I dialed my parent's phone number and my mother answered, but I could hear her asking whoever was with her, "Who in the world is..." and the number of the phone from which I was dialing--there was one in my dream, but I can't remember it now, just that it had an awful lot of sixteens in it. I had to yell into the phone to get her attention.
So, when I did get her attention, I told her my situation and that I would be home shortly and that I would pay for the flight with my credit card, but that I expected her to reimburse me upon my return. (Can you imagine the audacity?)
Then I tried to get Marie-Helen to take me to the terminal, but instead she took me to the local campus of Lakehead University and disappeared. And then I woke up.
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